Sunday, February 27, 2011

God Speaks

Philippians 4: 6-9, 13
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

So this is what my sermon at church was about today.

As we came into church we were all given a rock and a pencil, as the service went on we were told to take and write down what we worry about on that rock. After the service we were told to take that rock and throw it into our pond in front of the church....Yeah...sounds easy, yet, not so much.

See, I am worrier! I worry so much I have anxiety issues. I try and try to give it back to Christ and then try and try to take it back! It is an unending struggle that I must fight daily. Most days, I am fine and let God take it, but on the days I don''s not pretty!!

So, on this rock, write what I worry about...what don't I worry about. Before church today I pulled up flight prices for bringing Jason back home this weekend. Prices for this coming weekend were$900, prices for next weekend at least $400. Thank you sky rocketing gas prices! To say I was upset is an understatement. I was so upset that I went into church with a chip on my shoulder. I didn't sing because I wasn't feeling like worshiping. I didn't take communion because I wanted to be angry.

Then the sermon started...stupid, stupid sermon! When he started talking about worry and being anxious, I knew I was in trouble....I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to leave the service and get out of there! A couple of times I thought about taking that stupid rock and throwing it up on the stage just to let everyone know how stupid I thought this all was! No one understands, if all I had to worry about was money maybe it would be okay. If all I had to worry about was some stupid addiction, okay but no, I have to worry about when and how to get my husband home every freaking weekend! No one understands that!

Then the pastor talked about being lonely and how with God we are never lonely. He talked about how worry and being anxious robs us of our joy and will to enjoy the life that God gave us! What the heck? Would this pastor ever stop talking about me?! Me, who never likes to go anywhere anymore, I would rather stay at home and be lonely! Grrrr! I was not a happy camper in church today....yet I never threw my rock on stage and slowly but surely God continued to work on my heart. It hurt, it hurt so much I had to think of other things to keep from sobbing in the middle of church!! I trust God but need to trust Him more! I need God but know I need to want Him more! I want to be with my husband and yet, if I don't ask daily I won't receive! Today was hard my very very hard!

Pray for me, God is moving. He is going to bring Jason back home but I need to be broken first!! Be anxious for nothing Bekah...God hears you and wants to give you rest

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalms


Melissa Flaming said...

My sweet, sweet friend- I hurt with you, and I hurt for you. As I read your post I thought, "I'm not the only one?" You are not alone. I understand your anger and your hurt; not fully, but enough to feel that yucky feeling inside that makes you want to throw that rock! I will lift you up to our Daddy this morning, because I know how weary it can be to even think of what to ask for anymore. I love and miss you dear friend.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, Bekah. You are calling out to the right One! He hears your cries! I am praying with you.