Friday, January 29, 2010

Might as well talk about Sex some more.....

In case you haven't figured out from reading my blog, I am a Evangelical Christian. I was born and raised in the church, I believe what the Bible says and putting those principles into my life. Knowing this might allow you to understand some of my view points and where my ideologies come from.

When you are raised in the church a big part of your adolescent years are spent being told to wait for marriage before you have sex. As a girl, you are told how to be modest around boys, to watch what you wear and how it can bring attention to you and your body. You are told that all boys think about is sex and how it is ALWAYS on their mind! Girls don't think this way about sex so adults tell them over and over again how a boys brain works! None of this is wrong, and I would like to think that even if I wasn't a Christian I would want my daughters to think of these things too. BUT sometimes I have to wonder if a girls attitude towards sex is somewhat "warped" due to the way it is taught though. Hang in there with me and see if you can follow my line of thinking.

I have a 14 year old daughter who is in High School. She has AWESOME friends that also have AWESOME parents that are also involved with church and raising Godly Children. One of her friends got a book from her parents about modesty. I was in the car one day when her friend was reading the book and all of sudden she says out loud, "Ewwwwww, Stephanie you have to read this!" At the time I didn't know what she was reading so I was intrigued and asked her what was so gross. She told me about the book she got from her parents and this little part of the book that was talking about the way a guys brain works. She said that it explained that you need to be modest in the way you dress because if you bring attention to your body and a guy is looking at you, thinks you are cute, because he is a boy, he will most likely start to fantasize about you and even go so far as to picture you naked. This totally grossed out this 14 year old girl! The girls started talking about how gross boys are and why do they do that and why would he want to picture me naked. Ewww, ewww, ewww!

Ok, that was the scenario. After the girls got out of the car I started thinking. I understand that they are 14 and thankfully they think that sex is still gross BUT I couldn't help thinking that maybe, just maybe this book and the way sex is taught in the Church was warping their view on sex and males. From the beginning girls are taught that boys think of girls as sexual objects and almost anything we do as females makes them think of sex. Then girls are taught that sex is wrong before marriage, and that all these things are bad, bad, bad. I'm just not sure that is a fair and/or healthy view point.

God made men and woman different. What kind of world would we live in if, men and women wanted sex all the time OR if we lived in a world where men and women never wanted sex at all?! Instead, God, in his divine plan, created men and woman different. Men have needs and wants just like women have needs and wants. Are they always the same? No! But is it the "fault" of the male that he thinks like that? No! That is the way God created men to "work". That does not mean that a guy can do whatever he wants sexually because that is how he was created or that he has no control over it. Boys needs to learn how to turn away when tempted, to respect a girl, and control his desires until marriage. Just like a girl needs to learn how to be modest and have control over her sexual desires too. BUT, I just feel like sometimes, the Christian community puts down men for the way they view sex. I don't want my 14 year old girl to start thinking that a boys view on sex is gross, wrong, and unimportant. Because someday I want my girls to grow up, get married, and have a great sexual relationship with their spouse! I want them to respect their husbands view on sex and not just push it to the back burner because she has been taught that a boys sex drive is bad!


Anonymous said...

woohoo!!! Love that!! Let me add to it...The general Christian community tells boys that they are "bad" for having these thoughts that run through their head. Do they honestly think that all boys want to think along those lines? You cannot make me believe that God sees all thoughts as "bad" ... didn't He create them with that tendency? That being said, I do believe that it is our job to shape and give young men a healthy attitude when "looking" at girls. There are too many young men feeling guilty over thoughts that are completely natural so we, as Christian parents, need to step up and be realistic!

AmyG (mom of 3 sons)

Shan said...

I like your positive attitude about this topic Bekah! This is a great angle to take with our kiddos. There is so much shame involved in sexy business. God did make it so we can claim it and do it the right way. Again, for me this is a toughie. :)

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